Hypocrisy aside, it would be lying if I bluntly say that I am a nice
girl. (I see a few nods now.. okay a lot of nods and shouting from
everyone.) I can honestly say I have done a lot of ugly deeds and I am
not proud of it. God had stopped smiling over me for a long time. I
felt like these words by Matt Wertz:
Yesterday morning every part of her just shut down
Getting out of bed never felt so difficult before
Every step she took led to the wrong direction
And she never made it out her door
And
I had enough of those stumbles.. I am going back to the one who made
me. I will lose myself to the one who found me. Still setting aside
pride and hypocrisy, I'd know I will still have fallbacks. I'd still
make mistakes. But I know now to tell myself that I'm too good to fall
apart again because of those mistakes. I will smile and I will live
on...
I guess there's nothing anybody can throw at me now and
still get hurt. I have sang my songs on my own.. lived the way I wanted
it, bad things happened, mistakes were obvious, heartaches and pain
scarred me... but I got out from all of it. I learned from it and I got
myself back together.
I had been stuck. And the only thing left for me to do.. was to believe again. Thank God I did.
For
the months that passed, I always sleep to dream, to ignore reality, and
have my own safe world and stay asleep til the day I die. Lately, I
can't even wait that long for the next day to come so I can live those
dreams. Luck has been on my side lately. I know it wouldn't stay that
way forever even if I wish it will but I'll make the most out of my
life now... So I can look back and contentedly say I have live my life
well and long enough to realize it.
